It’s Been A While

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote a blog on this site. Much I can’t even talk about. I guess that’s why I’ve stayed away. It’s been a while since I’ve felt like myself. Always working, but little time working on myself. Maybe that is why I feel so drained. Since a minor financial setback last year, I’ve been doing more freelance gigs to pay the bills, and I’ve been feeling stretched and can’t seem to think about anything else.

I’ve wanted to write so badly, but I can’t seem to get the words out. Writing has always made me feel a lot better, relieved in such a way that nothing else could allow me to feel free. I am wondering if that’s why I think the way I do– unhappy because it’s been so long since I’ve taken time to write for myself. I run a few other blog sites, but it’s for work. It’s not a personal outlet.

A few weeks ago I went to New Jersey for a friends wedding, and it was spectacular. I didn’t miss home one bit. I did miss my mom, though. It was nice to get away and change up the scenery, plus being around fun, positive people helped lift my spirits.

The importance of self-care comes to mind right now. As I’ve been dealing with a heavy load of personal emotion and confusion as to how I can break through this dark phase, I’m going through. We all want to feel our best right? How we do, it is the challenge sometimes.

My boyfriend told me the other day that I was full of aggression. Made me think about WHY. I am filled with a desire to snap out of this funk, to let everything go and stop dwelling on the negative junk in my life and embrace the positive things, everything I have to be grateful for. Part of me feels numb when I should be happy, and the other part is just mad. I can’t seem to ever get ahead.

One of the hardest things to do in life (in my opinion) is to let go of the things we can not change. We can do everything we can to make them better, but ultimately, at the end of the day, it is 100% up to us to either accept things for what they are or necessary changes best for ourselves.

I got wrapped up in always trying to please other people that I forget to take time for myself when my batteries are running low.

I do Social Media Marketing and the majority of my time is spent (80+ hours a week) helping businesses grow, get customers, design branding, websites, write content, public relations, write blogs, post on 40+ social channels, and create original content that draws people in to want to learn more about a company. Sound like a lot? It is. I am thankful to have a job that I enjoy doing and is something I’m very good at. Social Media has taken over the marketing world, and I love it! I love watching the demand for it. Companies have finally acknowledged how badly they need it in their marketing strategy. For those people who are still in denial that social media is dominating the influence of consumers, will have to come around soon because it is happening whether people like it or not. Not sure why anyone would be against it though!

I’ve been obsessed with social media since the Myspace days. I loved designing and re-coding my page over and over and over. I’ve always been in love with photography, but with social media, I’ve been able to exercise that passion along with blogging to a whole other level.

When your work and your personal life intersect (I work from home), it is a bit difficult to separate the two to ever feel like you have a break or time to yourself to work on building your brand or time for self-care. This is where I’ve fallen short. I haven’t been getting out. I haven’t been writing for myself. My personal brand is a mess. I’ve wanted to write a book for years but at the end of the day, all I want to do is just sleep and I hate that that’s the choice I’ve been making because, in order to feel my best, I have to invest time into doing what I know will help me grow and expand as a person. I need another freelance gig to help pay off debt and save money. My rent went up again last month, and as I said, money is all I can think about.

I’m tired of being stressed. I never go to the beach anymore. I can’t remember the last time I watched the sunset. This isn’t me, and I’m ready to make a change. I have to start by putting myself first; not tomorrow but right now.

Now that you have read my story and caught up with what I’ve been up to, let’s hear from you! Tell me how you take care of yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed or drained?

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