Breakups are not all the same. They come at us in all forms. Some are harder than others to let go of. Unfortunately, the more unhealthy the relationship was, the harder it seems to get over– the more time and work it takes to fully recover from. There are all types of variables that contribute to making a relationship toxic or unhealthy. Maybe the person you were dating was abusive, manipulative, narcissistic, or dependent on drugs or alcohol. Maybe the problem wasn’t them at all, maybe it was you. Now is the time to take a step back and let yourself heal, rediscovery, and completely recover from this unfortunate and what may feel like as an unbearable time.
You must not be hard on yourself. Do not blame yourself during this time, but be open to taking responsibility to any mistakes you made during your relationship. Look at the situation as a whole. Sit back with a pen and paper and write it out. Open your heart and your mind to the best of your ability so that every wound, every crack in your aching heart can be exposed to the light. Its during this time of reflection we are able to see things more clearly.
More than that, this is the time to carefully proceed through your healing process so that you can come out the other side as a stronger, wiser, and more complete human being. Don’t go jumping into a new relationship or dive deep into a dependency on drugs and alcohol to cope with the massive amount of pain. Try to just be patient. Feel everything. Feel your heart break. Feel your soul crushing at the thought of everything you put out on the line to make this relationship work. No one is judging you more than you are judging yourself.
One of the worst things you can do after a breakup is rush back into the same one or a brand new relationship just so you’re not alone. I advise against thing. You will never change or improve your quality of life if you repeat the same cycle that got you in this mess in the first place. So when your friends are telling you, “Please whatever you do, be single and take some time for yourself for a while.” LISTEN.
Ask your ask ex questions before you completely part ways so you can leave with peace in your soul. There’s nothing worse than the unknown. If you want to completely heal you must ask questions that pace around in your mind. Try to find out what truly what went wrong. Talk to your ex with an open line of communication before you both go your separate ways. This is a ONE time conversation– not something that needs to be drawn out over the course of a week or multiple days. Time is a precious thing. Don’t waste too much of it dwelling on something that is clearly over and hopeless (sorry).
Besides all of that, I have put together a list of 20 things to do after your breakup to properly recover from a toxic relationship. After reading this guide, please feel free to comment or share with any other suggestions or feedback.
- No contact AT ALL (Seriously, NONE)
- Reflect and Journal daily
- Take some time for YOUrself- learn to be comfortable alone
- Forgive your ex and yourself
- Change up your wardrobe and hairstyle
- Get out of your comfort zone
- Create a new playlist with fresh tunes to vibe to
- Reach into your creative potential – Start a new project
- Create a healthy routine or schedule to stay busy and occupy your mind
- Surround yourself with positive influences
- Get organized – Clean out your desk, closest, car, etc.
- Remove your ex and their friends from social media
- Go on a week long detox
- Travel – Go on a trip with a friend
- Go to a concert- see live music alone or with a friend
- Flirt it up a bit – Get that attention you deserve
- Workout harder than you normally would
- Change the sheets on your bed. (duh)
- Read a good novel (not a self-help book– avoid obsessing)
- Rebuild friendships you lost while you were in the relationship
Image via We Heart It